Jul 27, 20233 min read

The How of Happiness Book by Sonja Lyubomirsky

“One of the secrets of a happy life is continuous small treats.”

Introduction

“The How of Happiness” by Sonja Lyubomirsky is a book that explores the science of happiness and offers practical strategies for increasing happiness in our lives. Here is a step-by-step summary of the book, along with examples.

So, let’s begin:

Our favorite happiness quotes

“Happiness depends upon ourselves.”
“Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony.”
“The moments of happiness we enjoy take us by surprise.”
“Even if happiness forgets you a little bit, never completely forget about it.”

Book Summary

Step 1: Understand Happiness Set Point

Lyubomirsky explains that a person’s happiness is influenced by both genetic factors (50%) and life circumstances (10%), but the remaining 40% is within our control. She introduces the concept of a happiness set point, which is the baseline level of happiness that individuals tend to return to after experiencing positive or negative events.

For example, if someone has a naturally high happiness set point, they may quickly rebound from a setback.

Step 2: Focus on Changing Activities and Practices

Lyubomirsky suggests that around 40% of our happiness is determined by intentional activities and practices that we engage in. She encourages readers to identify and change specific behaviors that can increase happiness.

For instance, one example could be practicing gratitude by keeping a daily journal of things you are thankful for.

Step 3: Cultivate Gratitude

Expressing gratitude is a powerful tool for increasing happiness. Lyubomirsky advises readers to regularly express gratitude by writing letters of appreciation to friends or family members, keeping a gratitude journal, or verbally expressing thanks to others.

For instance, you might write a letter to a close friend expressing how grateful you are for their support and friendship.

Step 4: Foster Positive Relationships

Nurturing and maintaining positive relationships is essential for happiness. Lyubomirsky suggests investing time and effort into building strong social connections. This could involve reaching out to friends, participating in group activities, or joining clubs or organizations that align with your interests.

For example, you might join a local sports team or volunteer for a charity to meet new people and cultivate positive relationships.

Related topics: How Will You Measure Your Life (Book Summary)

Step 5: Engage in Acts of Kindness

Performing acts of kindness towards others can significantly boost happiness levels. Lyubomirsky encourages readers to engage in random acts of kindness, such as helping a stranger, volunteering for a charitable cause, or performing small acts of kindness for loved ones.

For instance, you could buy a cup of coffee for the person in line behind you at a cafe.

Step 6: Practice Optimism

Cultivating an optimistic mindset can lead to greater happiness. Lyubomirsky recommends practicing positive thinking by challenging negative thoughts, reframing setbacks as opportunities for growth, and focusing on positive aspects of life.

For example, instead of dwelling on a mistake at work, you could focus on the lessons learned and the chance to improve.

Step 7: Develop Coping Strategies

Life inevitably presents challenges, so it is important to develop effective coping strategies. Lyubomirsky suggests various techniques like meditation, mindfulness, and physical exercise to cope with stress and enhance happiness.

For instance, you could start a daily meditation practice or engage in regular physical activity to manage stress and improve overall well-being.

Step 8: Cultivate Personal Goals and Meaning

Having meaningful goals and a sense of purpose can contribute to long-term happiness. Lyubomirsky advises readers to identify and pursue goals that align with their values and provide a sense of fulfillment.

For example, you might set a goal to learn a new skill or pursue a career that makes a positive impact on others.

Step 9: Take Care of Your Body

Physical well-being is interconnected with happiness. Lyubomirsky emphasizes the importance of maintaining a healthy lifestyle by engaging in regular exercise, getting enough sleep, and adopting a balanced diet.

For instance, you might establish a consistent sleep schedule and prioritize regular physical activity to support your overall well-being.

Step 10: Practice Mindfulness and Living in the Present

Being fully present in the moment and cultivating mindfulness can enhance happiness. Lyubomirsky recommends engaging in mindfulness exercises, such as meditation or mindful breathing, to become more aware of the present moment and let go of worries or negative thoughts.

For example, you might set aside a few minutes each day to practice meditation and focus on the sensations of your breath.

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